2010...

Where do I begin with the year that was 2010. It was a year full of failing and success all at the same time. It was the year I was proved everything happens for a reason and I know it was one of the best years of my life.

Straight out of school I had no idea where I was going for the future. In March I started a bachelor of Commerce at uni and after my results from the first semester decided maybe uni wasn't for me right now. I don't regret the experience and some amazing friends that I met along the way.

The middle of the year a well deserved holiday was had to the Gold Coast with one of my best friends and having the most amazing time ever we have booked to go again at the start of 2011.

Not having school to socialise with friends made keeping them all that much harder this year and actually having to make an effort really showed who my true friends are.

My birthday was definelty a highlight of the year. Having my friends over, getting trashy then having the best night I've ever had in town was the best way to celebrate turning 19. It was the night I can only remember from photographs and stories but will never forget.

I really only made one mistake for the year and he's not even worth talking about.

Coming to the end of the year I was really starting to stress what I was going to be doing. Deferring uni and only working casually I wasn't sure where I was headed. Declining some amazing opportunites to travel I was starting to have regrets. It wasn't until I landed one of the best jobs I dare say I will ever have. The 3-4 months I have spent there I have loved. It makes getting up daily easier and it came at a perfect time. I have met some of the most valuable people I will ever meet with every day I spend with them I cerish so dearly.

The year ended with a new car (due to riding off the little laser), new job, no boy drama, amazing friends, life experience and the wanting to do it all over again.

It's now the last week of the year 2010 and reflecting back makes me crave for more adventure. Having already planned a trip to Queensland, tickets to Bieber, Usher and Supafest it's already set to be a memborable one.

The life lessons I learnt from 2010 were; remember who was there for you, when one door closes another one opens and to grab an opportunity with open hands.

In life we struggle as individuals

What I feel I let myself down on in life is not telling the people I care and love about in my life just how much I cherish their friendship. I wish I could express my feelings for these people easily just so they know. What scares me the most is unexpectedly leaving this world and leaving things unsaid.

The last few days haven't been the best for me but I love having people around who make things so much better. Life is about the company you keep but unfortunately we are also forced to be around people who we don't necessarily have things in common with. It's hard to spend so much time wishing you weren't near someone but I guess it's just a common part of life.

Recently an old friend has re-entered my life and it makes me really happy. I have learnt differences can be resolved and once you make a connection with someone it's difficult to let go. I have also learnt time does heal pain.

Shopping has become an epic addiction. New shoes, clothes and jewellery almost daily.
An amazingly random shopping trip to Sydney ended in a new favourite t-shirt and jeans and a new love for the city. Spending Melbourne Cup watching the race that stops the nation on the top level of David Jones and having my horse win was an amazing way to spend the day with one of my best friends.

I still can't believe just how good my life is at this moment in time I just wish I could freeze time for a bit longer as I'm terrified of loosing all that I've got.

Recently a friend, boyfriend, son and brother was lost from my community. It was a shocking tragedy that has really impacted on me and those around me. I am so saddened by what has happened but really learning to appreciate each day as it comes. For those who were close to him have really being hit hard especially for such a young and a sudden accident. I hope this has made all of us stronger in each and every way and makes us closer as a whole.

I love my life and everyone in it <3

Rollercoaster

6 weeks ago I was a totally different person. Monday the 20th of October life as I knew it changed. Who would've thought I would find an amazing job with the most amazing people I have ever met. Openning week at my new job was the most intense week of my life. Working 10 hour days involving heavy lifting and learning the ropes.

I had the opportunity to work closely with some of the companies finest from all over Australia. Seeing these amazing people working and having so much passion really had inspired me for the better. I've made close friends with these people and having them have such a big impact on my life and then have to leave has left me feeling empty and missing them so so much!

The last 2 weeks have been some of the best times of my life and I could't imagine not knowing these people.

Who's Town?

Today I am left wondering how I was so lucky in life to have met these amazing people who surround me. How did I get paid today for throwing a party and having the best time of my life? Wish I had the answer and I wish everyone was as lucky as me but I guess I am a 'special' star. So much positive energy in the air that I don't waste my time being negative or thinking about the sadder things in life.

Studying belonging in year 11 seemed so pointless as I thought I belonged then but now I really know what it feels like to belong. So much respect and love for these amazing people! <3 <3 <3

Life as we know it

"When one door closes another one opens."

This is definitely a quote for me to live my life around. When you think things are at their best or worst they aren't. This week I have found a new meaning for work, friendship and life. I can't believe just how lucky I am to have found this new family who is accepting and just amazing in every single way possible. They picked me up when I needed it most no questions asked. I've never jumped out of bed at 7am just to go to work. I love my life.

Now I've sat here looking at the cursor blinking at me for 10 minutes and I can't think of any more to share. I have nothing to whinge about no negative thoughts. This is what life is about.

Learn; Love; Share <3

The week that was

The start to the week started off with a bang. Two major life changes. Boyfriend broke up with me and I started my new job. It's funnily ironic that the worst and the best happened on the same day. After the inital shock of the break-up I am now okay. I am adjusting to life without him but miss him terribly. I'm glad it's happened but it sucks that it had to.


My job is the BEST job in the whole world. I have become part of a new family. Everyone is so unique and accepting to everyones differences and I love waking up every morning and spending the whole day interacting with them. This amazing opportunity is what has got me through this tuff time and I feel so incredibly lucky. I am also so lucky that where I have been blessed to do my core training is in the heart of beauitful Newcastle. I get to look at the beach every morning see surfers with dolphins and lay and bask the sunrays of the beautiful Spring. It's being so interesting learning about people and their interests and also the technoloy and cultures of my job. I have loved getting to know the amazing people I am going to be working with daily and can't wait to open our new store.


This week I have spent alot of time with my friends. I forgot how much I had missed them and really regret hiding away for so long and have now learnt from my mistake so the relationship has definetly taught me some things and I will not make the same mistakes again. Working fulltime I haven't really understood how difficult it is to manage your time. I have neglected some important things and it's something I really need to work on. Finally a day off tomorrow but back at work on Sunday.


When I thought I had life planned out it threw a spanner into the works.


Lets find out what future has install for me, together.



P.S I feel I should attach a video of me from last weekend just so you can know the real me.

Season 3 - hearts broken

Today I feel though I have entered season 3 of what feels like a tv show on MTV. It's funny how one minute everything is fine and your making plans for the future then the carpet pulls it out from under you. My boyfriend and I of 3 months broke up tonight and even though after only 3 months it shouldn't really hurt it does. after spending that time almost conjoined to the hip it feels weird not having him around and it really sucks.

Tomorrow I start what I hope to be my future. I have two weeks of intense training of my job then hopefully start working in the store soon after. I hope to gain new skills and new friendships and a career to last a lifetime. This new job couldn't have come at a new time as it will keep me busy and my mind off the hard breakup.

I had one of the best weeks with my friends. Thursday night my best friend hosted a beautiful dinner party for all of the girls and it was so yummy it was great to catch up! Friday I got to catch up with the old crew and I can't believe how much I missed them and I don't wanna give up our stupid nights of laughing and late pizza runs! Saturday night I can't even remember but will never forget. Got a little bit more drunk than what was intended but so well worth it! I love being young. Now I am single I will have alot more time on my hands so I'm sure I'll be regurally keeping you posted on my TV series of my life. Ciao xo

After not blogging for over a month I feel I owe it to myself to let everything out. Lately I have been going from up to down pretty dramatically. One minute I can be totally happy then one little thing just puts me in the worst mood.

Exciting things have happened in 2 months. Got the part-time job I was really hoping for, Attended my boyfriend's sisters beautiful wedding and booked another trip to Queensland.

After deferring Uni for the rest of the year and declining 2 job offers I was starting to worry I had made the wrong decisions. A month and a half after my second interview and no word I had given up hope for the job I was hoping to get. Randomly I had a missed call and voicemail informing me that I had infact gotten the position. I am really happy and can't wait to start this new chapter of life and hopefully it will take me places I had only dreamed of.

I spent last weekend in Wollongong for my boyfriend's sisters wedding and the first wedding I have ever been to and it was absolutly beautiful. From the dress, to flowers, to music everything turned out perfectly and I do wish enternal happiness for the Bride and Groom and I am extremely jealous of their 5 week hunnymoon overseas!

Queensland for the third time this year but this time will be a more romantic getaway with just me and Zachary. I am really excited as its my first trip away with a boyfriend and I can't wait to have lots of fun for the weekend!

Saturday was my netball grandfinal. After an intense semi which ended in extra time we were vsing our biggest rival once again. After heavy rain and wet courts we still played and unfortunatly things this time just didn't go our way and we sadly lost by only 2.

Keeps getting better...

I have never felt in my life as great as I've being feeling in the last few weeks. Still waiting to hear about some important matters but not really feeling too stressed about it.

Yesterday I arrived home from my holiday to Queensland and I miss it already! The weather and the hotel room and just everything about it was great! We had the best time and were so lucky! We went to Movieworld and Dreamworld aswell as doing the Sling Shot and the Vomatron 3 times each! I love the feeling you get from being thrown in the air at crazy speeds while tumbling was amazinggggggg!

On our first night we went to Ripleys Believe it or Not and were lucky enough to be the 1000th Customer and won alot of fun things was very pleasing! We also went to the Casino and come out with a win, Infinity and an intense shopping adventure at Harbor Town.

I was really missing my boy and family though and definately my bed! But I really can't wait to go on holidays again!

Hope this good feeling lasts a little longer :) xo

The sky is the limit

Feeling pretty slack that I haven't blogged in a while but been super busy with life and now having a boyfriend. I love how happy he makes me by doing the simplest of things and I love making him as happy.

Life seems to be falling into place now and it's so good :)
I no longer look back only forward. I love this place where I'm at and hope to stay in it aslong as possible.

Queensland is only 9 days away now and I'm so excited! I can't wait for the themeparks to feel the adrenaline rush, the long days of bargin shopping and spending time with Laura. I still remember the day 11 weeks ago that we booked our flights and can't believe just how quick it's come around.

Too happy to have anything to rant about. =D
LOVE <3

Million Dollar Bill

Nothing is better then pure happiness, and I don't think I've been this happy ever. I have finally put my needs before others and shed all the drama from my life. I feel like this is a new chapter in my life and it's a book I don't wanna put down.

Seems like new doors are opening up for me all around but I'm waiting for that one I really wanna explore further. After having offers to move to the other side of the country and to join a government I am still wanting one more. After progressing through to the 2nd round lets hope I can get the one I really want.

Worked last night for the first time in a while and I had some of the cutest old people come through. Sometimes I want to just sit and talk with them and hear about their life stories and the struggles they lived through. I love that they can barely walk but still come down for that bottle of milk and bread.

Only two weeks and two days till Laura and I escape the bubble and have a little fun in QUEENSLAND! Really excited to just get away with someone I have so much fun with!

I have the greatest people in my life at this moment in time and cerish them more than anything. I don't always let them know how much they mean to me and let people slip out of my life but will not have this happen again.

Loving; Life <3

Don't be afraid to fall

How can it be so easy to fall asleep in his arms? Is it because they offer protection and assurance that everything will be okay or because he kisses me on the forehead just as I'm drifting off or because my hand snuggles right into his.

Finally finished uni for this semster and soon will be putting in for my deferring. After 4 very spread exams I am very glad that it's finally holidays. What I can't believe is it's less than 4 weeks till Queensland. Where did the time go?

I really can't believe how much my life is pretty much a season of The Hills but unfortunately I'm not getting paid or put on TV. It's crazyyy but makes me laugh at the same time. I don't know why people would want drama in their life, simple is soo much better!

Loving the connections I am currently having around me. Some people I would never expect turn out to be some of the best people around and I hope they stay around and yes I'm talking about you Miss Elli :)

I'm finally ready to fall into the unknown to make mistakes and really live life.

CurrentlyLoving; Snuggles, Holding hands, Heater, The Hills <3

Gotta speak soft and listen harder

The last week I've had many thoughts running wild through my mind. Thinking keeps me up at night and I keep imagining the future.

I have learnt that in this life to survive we need friends, love and happiness. This week is the first time I have been truly happy in a long time. I am truly happy in myself and it can be seen by others even affected my abilty to play netball.

I have also learnt that change is always going to happen whether we are ready for it or not. Life throws us a curve ball and we have to hit it as hard as we can. A change in opinion of someone, a change in style or even a change in friends. No matter what happens stay true and stick up for yourself and you will find out who your true friends are.

'When one door closes another one opens' - probably the most truest saying ever. Something even better is waiting around the corner and everything happens for a reason. Even if I don't get the job I had an interview for it was still an awesome experience to get as far as I did and another better position will be out there for me.

Not sure where I'm going and I'm getting there no where fast but I'm sure loving the ride.

CurrentlyLoving; lacey tights, L.A Candy - Lauren Conrad, dressing gown, hanging with a boy, life

I dance the way I feel

There's a peace in sitting outside in the night time. No cars driving, no kids screaming just my own thoughts. Even though it's too cold to stay outside very long now I quite enjoyed how peaceful it was tonight. It was sad though, no stars shining down upon me. I wish the world was safe so I could just walk the streets alone at night-time.

So this weekend was a long weekend for the Queen's birthday. I'd first like to thank the Queen for this 3 day weekend and I hope she also takes a day off when it's my birthday. Went down to Sydney to visit my family and had a great time. I love getting away and I really, really love my family. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't talk to my immediate family almost everyday and see my relatives every so often. Now as an adult I really bond with my cousins and it's something I hold with my whole heart.

This weekend was also my Daddy's birthday, so happy birthday Dad. I looked at my dad on Sunday and really looked at him. Now a 48 year old man I see him slowly aging. My dad the fitness finatic who has always looked the same to me now is getting wrinkles. I hate seeing him getting older no being able to do some things now but I look back and see he is one of the happiest people I know and I am so lucky to have him as my dad.

My mum this weekend also went away. It's been great having the house to myself I feel so responsible and adult like and I love doing what I want when I want not that I pretty much don't already haha. My first night alone I spent curled up in bed watching a dvd and eating doritos. Unfortunatley if I ever decide to live alone I won't be able to have doritos with dip as I found out I am unable to undo the lid haha. I had an early night while all my friends went out and partied I just couldn't be bothered.

Today I lost myself in a book which only took me one day to read. Ironically the book is called Losing it - Lizze Wilcock. The book is set in Newcastle which I think is what I really like about it as I can relate to it's surroundings. It's about 16 year old girls going through normal teenage stuff. I loved it. I'm sure I will re-read this plenty of times. It's funny how easily I can loose myself in a book about someone else's life then relate it to mine. Helps make things much clearer. The thing that springs to mind is rumours. Such funny things, usually an exaggerated truth. I don't know why or how but somehow people thought I was moving and throwing a party this weekend. Couldn't be more wrong. The only thing that upsets me about rumours about me is how quick people who know me the most believe them. I get so upset that they think if it's something so important like moving that I wouldn't message them or atleast post a facebook status. I responded by just shutting out the world for a few hours.


Also, another thing I have learnt from my book is learning that the future is now. Today not tomorrow and not yesterday. And I am the only person who can make my future. I spent most of the night talking with a friend about past events of which we have both similarly been through. It felt really nice to share the experience with someone who finally understands what I went through and I think I may have helped her get through too.

Tomorrow I have my second last exam for the semester. Probably the easiest exam I will have so lets hope all goes well. Later this week I have a job interview for a job I wouldn't mind getting at this stage of my life. I am quite nervous but confident in my abilty and if I am confident it is a quality the employer will see as an asset and help me get the job. Lot's of exciting things coming up Queensland only 5 weeks away now woo can't wait!

live, learn, trust, love, life

Because of your smile you make life beautiful

So many crazy thoughts always running through my head but I just can't seem to pull them together.

Well here's how this week started off. Netball. Lost. Complacent. Who thought that team could beat us? 3 little goals. Fail. Some people really, really frustrate me and I can't keep it in any longer. AHHHHHHHHHHH is what I feel like screaming in their ears! In hind sight the loss will do the team good. We don't feel king shit anymore and have more willpower to win.

Feel really good about leaving my comfort zone this weekend. Done something pretty random I'm normally too scared to do but did it. Result wasn't the greatest but was better then expected. A step in the right direction. Also really happy about my purchase of a new jacket really excited to wear it! :)

Sunday. Poor little whale got beached as bro on Bar Beach. Really sad the whale passed. But really random to think something like that happens in Newcastle.
Sunday night. Should've spent studying but instead found it much more appealing to watch TV. Monday morning. 2 hours before exam, really should've studied last night. 1 exam down 3 to go. Luckily my exams are fairly spread so I should learn from this and attempt to study for the remaining.

Tonight was surprisingly good. After my dad made our netball team do the beep test I felt really good. I guess running really does release the good endorphins. I came home and had a nice hot shower then snuggled up on the lounge. Discovered a show I had never heard of before. One of the funniest shows I've watched in a while; "The Inbetweeners." Can't wait till it's on again!

Tomorrow I am considering going for a back and neck massage to spoil myself for a change :)
Only 6 weeks till Queensland now getting so close can't wait!
Motto for the week; live, learn, trust, love, life

Winter

It's offically the 3rd day of winter. For 2 weeks it's been raining and I really miss summer. I dislike the coldness and the sun setting early I can't wait for summer to swing back around!

Uni exams starting next week and I'm a little bit nervous. Feels like the HSC all over again. Haven't started studying yet hopefully can have a cram session this weekend and manage to pass all of my subjects.

Finally decided I am deferring uni next semester. Been applying for fulltime jobs and working holidays overseas so hopefully something soon arises. I am not too worried about what is going to happen just excited to have some time off study and time to relax and prioritise my life.

Music is my passion in life and when I'm listening to it I can't feel the rest of the world. Today downloading new tunes and making new playlists I lost track of all time and all drama and just fell into the beating song for 3 minutes. Because I was in such a good mood I went for a loooong walk occasionaly shutting my eyes to feel the song in my heart. I love it. Simple beats and lyrics really capture my heart.

Keep Holding On

While watching Glee today this song came on. I sat and listened, really listened to the message written within the song. Filled my heart.

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

rain..

Just wanted to share how much I am loving listening to the rain as I am in bed tears streaming down my face thinking to myself how much I love my life. Maybe it's because of you.

NINETEEN

The most important event of the year occured this past weekend which of course was my birthday. I finally hit the age where I would love to pause life. Nineteen. It was an EXTREMELY fun weekend and I'm so greatful for all my wonderful friends who made it a very special day/night for me. It was strange to see the people who made an effort to wish me a happy birthday, people whom I barely talk to and then there were other 'friends' who couldn't give two shits if they spoke to me or not. It's the important days when the people who care shine.

The week started slow I lacked motivation in attending uni so didn't bother to go and instead layed around home and watched movies all day. loved it. Rained pretty much all week so just sat inside snuggled up in my pjs. Thursday I finally thought I should actually attend one day of uni for the week so all smelling from my spray tan I went. Friday was the day when the weekend started. Went shopping with mum, booked my queensland accomodation (in a sweeeet hotel!) and then had an awesome all you can eat dinner complimentary of Nan. Family is a concept I hold deep in my heart and I love that my birthday brang together everyone for a good time. Saturday was when all the fun was had. Breakfast with daddy and then netball was cancelled so just cleaned up the house ready for the night. Milly was nice enough to do a gorgeous job of my makeup and my friends all came over for a few drinks before heading into town. This is when my memory of the night ends unfortunatley haha but luckily cameras were around to make sure I saw what did happen! Had an amazing night :)

I can't thank everyone enough for coming and seeing everyone really made my birthday happy it's way better then gifts shows appreciation for me. Love you.

Really excited for Queensland which is now only 8 weeks and 2 days away really, really pumped for the best week of my life with an awesome friend!

Uni exams now only 2 weeks away. Nervous, but hopefully will stay calm and positive and end the semester on a positive level! Still considering deferring for the next semester and exploring around before I settle down to start the rest of my life. Can't live life boring because I never know when it's going to end.

Riley (L)

Really upset tonight. Coming to the realisation that my beautiful dog Riley whom has been my best friend for 13 years is old and is going to be putdown soon. He has been a member of my family for so long and has whethered all the storms by my side. I'm really hoping it won't happen anytime soon and I'm truly going to miss my little puppy. Death is such a terrbile feeling and I would never wish it upon anyone! I hate feeling the way I'm feeling right now I'm finding it hard to be somewhat happy and joyous when I know something I love is soon going to be taken away from me. It's really true how much a pet impacts on a person's life and he will never be replaced in my heart.

This week I have put alot of thought into deferring my uni degree and working overseas or something! Just wish I could decide what to do! Hopefully soon it will come to me what I want to do soon. I want to travel, explore but mainly escape. I want to leave the bullshit behind and create a life for me. There's more out there I'm just waiting to go find it.

Life

Decided to do a quick short post while I'm waiting around to go to work.
SOOOOOOO happy because I've booked a holiday to queensland for the holidays with my friend. We are the two of the most indecisive people but we managed to book flights. I can't wait to get away from all the drama of Newcastle it's way too small of a town!

Being working ALOT these last two weeks and now I'm trying to take every shift and save every penny all for my trip away which I cannot wait for only 11 more weeks yay! At work I serve many, many different types of people. This one guy has touched my life like no other. His face had been severly burnt and was now just one big scar. As much as i feel sorry for people like this man and others who have had to overcome such a painful experience it makes me feel so very lucky for myself and I feel so greatful to live the life i do live.

Today I have been wondering what I really want to do with my life. I love uni and I am enjoying my degree but I really want to experience something different before I settle down in my future. I want to live life for a while do something fun and spontaneous as your not young forever!

Birthday in a few weeks so I'm pretty excited. It's a little scary how fast this last year has gone but been a very good year. 19 is such an ugly age haha. No longer the little baby 18 year old anymore! I still get extremely excited over my birthday, it's that one day of the year when everything gets to be about me. Sounds selfish but I enjoy it alot!

People. Make up shit. People. Believe it.
ANNOYS THE FUCK OUT OF ME! I am sooooo sick of how storys are getting twisted, how people just can't tell someone else they are upset with them to there face! I know your bored with your own life but stop making stuff up about me! Something so little turns into the biggest news around when it's not even true! Seriously grow the fuck up ay. I now know you can't trust anybody to keep a secret anymore. Do not tell anyone because they don't care about you they just care about telling your life to someone else. One day I will totally unleash with all the secrets I know about people because it seems thats just what everyone else is doing.

Off to work now, I'll have a whole boring 4 hours to think about life and shit so maybe I'll be back tonight to tell you a little bit more. Until then... where else but queensland? =]

Sydney Weekend =]

Okay so I haven't had a chance to express myself for a few weeks now with plenty of uni assignments, work and partying keeping me plenty busy.

The last two weeks has made me so happy and I hope nothing much changes in the next few years to come. All started last weekend with an 18th birthday party that reunited me with old friends and I also made new ones. Got a little bit more drunk than I should've but I'm 18 so what's stopping me from living my life before I get too old right?

What really has made me happy is the selfness of my friend Jane who on her 18th birthday raised over $2000 and shaved her head for cancer and looks absolutly gorgeous. I feel unfortunate that I couldn't donate much money to Jane's cause as I am a struggling uni student but I felt something was better than nothing. It's people like her who make this world a better place doing good things for other people and it makes me really sad to hear people laughing because she has no hair when I think she is the bravest girl in the world with a heart of gold.

The week after that seemed to fly by with two uni exams absoultly draining me and an exciting event to look forward to for the weekend.

This weekend I got the oppourtunity to spend the night in Sydney. I was granted free tickets in a box to the Cronulla Sharks VS Newcastle Knights. That pass allowed me free food and alcochol plus a free view to check out the Sharks after. After the game my cousin and his friend took me and my friend out in Cronulla. Was my first time out down there and I absolutely loved every minute of it. My cousin was nice enough to shout me and my friend shots and drinks and it's a night I can barely remember but will never forget.

On ANZAC day (an extremely hungover day), while we were down in Sydney we visited my Nona with my Aunty and Uncle and cousins. We had a conversation about our family members who had passed and those who are still alive and it wasn't until yesterday that I had really wondered about my family's hertiage being from Italy and it's someday I really hope to find out more of.

Nothing is more important to me then my family and those whom I surround myself with.

I don't wanna be anything other then what I've been trying to be lately.

Well tomorrow is offically the first game of netball for the 2010 season. I'm kinda nervous after over 2 months of training it's nothing compared to the thrill of playing a game. For the last 2 weeks netball has been my escape from the shit from uni and life and I am happy I have a hobby to keep me occupied.

This week has been very up and down for me. Just when I had thought I had found my 'true' friends I was proved wrong. I have realised that people are too bored or unhappy with their own lives they are bitching and putting me down behind my back. I am hating that people say one thing to your face then backstab behind your back. Just wish I could find some true friends who will always be there no matter what and love me and stick up for me.

This last week uni has had it's up and downs. From the tests I sat before the holidays the results came back and all very good which has made me really happy but now more tests coming up and I feel really unprepared hopefully I can find some time and get some serious study done. Seeing myself succeed at something really has made my week much brighter.

On my lovelife note, BOYS SUCK! yes you heard me they suck! They really confuse me and I cannot read them one single bit. I wish he would just tell me what he wants from me would make my life a hell of a lot easier! I want to find that boy who will spend a Saturday night in with me or out no matter what I want, I would just like to find where I can find one of these boys!

I've been spending what little spare time I have watching One Tree Hill seasons again. Hearing the lyrics "I don't wanna be anything other then what I've been trying to be lately", has really made me think about my life and where I am headed. I am loving my life right now and I don't wanna be anything other then what I've been trying to be lately. =]

Easter Long Weekend

The Easter weekend has now come to an end. Not being a kid anymore really changes easter but I never really noticed until this year. I really loved that my mum still made me an easter egg hunt in the morning but it's weird that I was upset that I was given too much chocolate which never used to be a problem haha.

My cousin got engaged and I am very happy for her =]
She found a good boyfriend whom she is now going to spend the rest of her life with in happiness.

Lately I have chosen sitting in my jam jams watching lame movies on a friday and saturday night over hitting the town. I'm not sure if it's the cooler weather, the late nights before early mornings or if I am just over the sleezy guys trying to get into my pants. Hoping soon I will start wanting to go out again.

I had a good weekend with two of my best friends. I forget how much I love just eating junk and watching old school videos with people who care. Laying around all day in our pjs not caring if our hair was done or if we had makeup on and that's what I miss about being little.

Why is it one boy in particular will always effect my life? He has the power to make me so unbelievably happy but also make me so upset aswell. He sometimes makes bad choices in life but I am always by his side as he is for me. I feel extremely guilty that he has hurt a friend in order to make me happy. He was strong enough to admit his fault and I am happy he made the right decision although it hurt.

A big week ahead with plenty of assignments to do, chocolate to eat and shopping to be done.

easter

It's the end of the week and the start of the easter long weekend.
Worked from 2-5 and I have never seen Coles soooo busy. Do people really think they will starve to death if they don't eat for one day? I think it's what Australia should do to reduce it's obsity rate. Also drivers. Are they for fucken real? I don't think I have seen as many bad drivers on the road today then I have in my life. Lets just break for no reason or lets do 50 in a 60 zone.

Theres my winge for the week now on to some positive bits. =]
I'll start with uni which I am currently loving. I have had a bundle of assignments and exams this week which I am proud I kept ontop of and feel I did pretty good in.
People are just genuinely nicer and more decent at uni and it makes it pleasent to be there. Sitting next to a random and suddenly you are best friends and feels like you have known eachother for years. Much easier to focus on study when I am happy in the place.

The end of the week and I still don't understand why some people say or do things they don't mean. I can't understand why he says something but then does the opposite why can't people just say what they feel? How can you be in a relationship but be inlove with someone else?
I think I have come to realise that people me included hide from the truth to shelter from being hurt as we all have felt the pain it brings and the lingering memory it leaves behind the unseen scar.

On my fifth night of not being able to sleep I decided to share my thoughts with the world.
This week has been a real eye opener to me and a week I will probably never forget.
I have realised that when something comes between two people it never leaves. Two people who are deeply inlove but can't let go of a past occurance. This is unfortunate in this life as something as stupid as a past mistake can change everything. I choose to live by the motto forgive and forget while clearly others do not. I was asked to change my friends and my way of living which I have greatly found over the last year. I would not change myself for anyone.

Since starting uni this year my eyes have been opened up to many different things. One of these been culture. I have always seen Australia as a multiculture nation but never have I been in a small space with so many different nationalites. I feel lucky I was brought up in Australia and even luckier Newcastle, I live in a safe environment and I am healthy the main things in life. It makes me upset when I hear people whining about little things when others go through much worse every single day.

Also this week I have realised I really don't understand people. I don't understand why some people do stupid things or hurt people. I guess I am still really young in this world and still only see the good in people. I wish I could understand why certain people make certain decisions but I guess I will never know.

I am really happy I have made alot of new friends at uni and this has made my week quite bearable and I hope I have made some friends for life. I have had a really positive outlook on life lately and hope it continues to stay around with me through positive people.

I'm not even sure this is going to be read but it feels good to share my feelings to the world... until next time